


happy song

by autumnleavesconfetti



Series: Baby Felix [5]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Age Regression Little Lee Felix, Age Regression/De-Aging, Cuddling & Snuggling, Gen, Lee Felix Needs a Hug (Stray Kids), Non-Sexual Age Play, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, a bit angsty?, but also fluffy, enjoy :), what else to tag, what is wrong with us stay that we like to make him suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27616511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumnleavesconfetti/pseuds/autumnleavesconfetti
Summary: Felix gets caught while he is regressed and everything turns awkward.
Relationships: Bang Chan & Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin & Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin & Lee Felix, Lee Felix & Lee Minho | Lee Know, Lee Felix & Seo Changbin, Lee Felix & Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) & Everyone
Series: Baby Felix [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1746217
Comments: 5
Kudos: 83





	happy song

**Author's Note:**

> hey my dear readers!  
> if you are a little and in your space right now, please do not read this as I do not want to disturb you or make you sad in your headspace  
> for everyone else: thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy this story :)

Alone. That’s what he felt. A pitiful cry left his throat, he just wanted attention. Attention he seemed to never get. Attention he craved.

Secretly he takes out a pacifier and puts it into his mouth, he couldn’t order one for adults he had to use the kids one. He can’t risk that someone notices. He can’t let himself fully fall, there are people in this apartment who neither know nor support little space. People he wouldn’t dare to tell about him being little.

So he puts his pacifier in his mouth, pulls out a color in book and begins to fill in the empty spaces with color. He’s constantly on edge, turning his head a few times too often towards his door, just in case. He can’t lock his door, the key long lost.

Little space is supposed to help him coping with all the stress he feels, it is supposed to help him calm down and let him forget about this evil world full of meanies. And it does,,, partly. Because of his fear of getting caught and the possible consequences, he’s never been able to just let go and let the warmth and the comfort of his baby space rolling over him.

So he opens his laptop, alone. He opens Netflix and puts on the smurfs, alone. He giggles at the intro, alone. He’s watching Clumsy running the wrong way, alone. He watches the smurfs falling into the human world, alone. He watches Grace, Patrick and the smurfs becoming friends, alone. He watches them fighting Gargamel, alone. He watches the whole movie, alone. All by himself.

And no matter how much he likes this movie, he’ll always be alone watching it. He always will feel this tugging feeling of loneliness in his stomach while watching it.

Where will he find his Papa Smurf who turns him into a real smurf like he did with Smurfette? Where will he be able to feel at home like Papa makes all his smurfs feel? When will he find someone who cares about him so much that they jump into unknown risks for him like the smurfs did for Clumsy? When will he sing his _happy song_?

As the movie finishes and the ending credits roll over the screen it’s only then that he realizes that he hasn’t checked if his door has opened even once. He got too invested into this movie.

Scared he turns around, fearful anticipating the image of one of his friends looking at him in disgust. To his luck, he couldn’t make out a person in his room, only his plushies offering him company. He gets up slowly, still a bit wobbly on his feet because of his head space. He might have mostly deregressed but he still feels the effects lingering on his body.

He doesn’t expect anything to be out of order, well, hopes he won’t find anything out of order. And at first it doesn’t seem like it either. Just as he wants to sigh in relief as he sees it. His color in book lies next to the door, the page of his most recent drawing opened. He is very sure he closed it before he started the movie. He knows it. Or,,, maybe,,, he remembers wrongly? He begs to no one in particular that this would be the case. He simply can’t have anyone knowing. He can’t. Under no circumstances, ever.

So he closes the color in book, hides it in a box, puts his paci in it as well and closes it with a sad sigh. He puts the box into the closet, closing its door with a last, sad gaze. And just like that, he forces little Felix back into the safety of a closed door, strips this identity off him and forces himself out of his head space.

It’s nearly dinner time, he realizes with a sad smile. He loves his friends but it is draining to spend time with people who aren’t aware of his age regression right after he’s been little and still slightly wavering. However, he has no choice. It’s dinner time.

When he comes to the kitchen he is quick to realize that he is the last one and the other seven members are already sitting at the table, looking at him with partly anticipating, partly confused and partly judging eyes. Just like he has feared. His gaze wanders over those faces, one or two rise their corners of the mouth to a small smile when it passes them, the leftover faces cold as stone. But a smile is good, isn’t it? It means not all chances are lost, right? Right?

The silence is terrifying, it never is this quiet. There is always some noise, might it be the bickering of two members or one of the eight boys laughing over something silly. When they eat they chat about their day even if they spend most of it together. During their meals Jisung talk about a new documentary he’s seen or Hyunjin about a new dance, more often than not discussing it with Minho and Felix. And if that isn’t the case then Minho would talk about his cats, Hyunjin about his dog, even Chan would always find a story or two to tell about Berry. Or one of the others would come up with any topic. But it is never quiet.

Unless now when the eyes of his friends,,, or should he say former friends?,,, bore themselves into him like daggers, their eyes following him like a hawk its prey when he walks towrds his place, tha last free chair. He’s never been as afraid as he is in this very moment. Not even when he met them for the first time and he barely understood Korean, not when he nearly got eliminated, not ever has he been this afraid. Because he knew they have his back.

But now,,, now he doesn’t and it is the most terrifying, most horrifying, most painful feeling he has ever felt. He feels like he’s drowning. It’s Chan who talks first, not that it surprises Felix. He’s always the one to start solving a problem as not only being the leader but also the oldest of Stray Kids.

“Felix. Sit down. We wanted to eat, you’re the last one missing.” Painfully, he notices how the older hasn’t used any type of nickname like he usually would, his voice not as soft and warm as it usually would be. But at least they still want him to sit with them and this is good, right? They eat in total silence, his head held down over his own bowl, trying to ignore the gazes that drill themselves into him like daggers.

He tries to ignore the awkward silence, pretending that everything is fine. Except it isn’t, and they all know it. As finally the last bowl is empty, the last member sated, as finally the last chopsticks are lied down, as finally the meal is finished, it’s only then that he dares to look up again. He’s met with 14 eyes looking at him and him only.

Despite usually enjoying the attention of the members on him it much more feels like he’s getting eliminated again, as if he’d be sitting in front of the judges again, trying to fight for his position in the group. Except there is no Minho teaching him Korean, there’s no Jisung helping him with his rap and no Seungmin helping him with his singing, no Hyunji helping him with his dance. There’s no Chan being an Aussie brother and supporting him more than anyone else. There’s none of them. Only those hard, intimidating eyes.

He wants to cry, but he has to keep it inside. Don’t give them a reason to look even more down on you, don’t give them a chance to hurt you. Do. Not. Let. Them. See. The. Pain. And so, he doesn’t cry. He only looks up shattered, he’s only sitting there numbing up more and more. Because if they hate him now, he has nothing anymore. It’s all or nothing. He loses them, he loses his reason to smile, his reason to continue, he loses his laugh, his will to live. They are everything for him. Everything.

Surprisingly, it’s not Chan or Minho, not even Changbin who closes his arms around him, shielding him from the attack of eyes by the other members but Jeongin, the adorable youngest member. He holds him close, Felix burying his head in his chest. It’s one of the situations in which he loves it that the younger is as tall as he is.

“You looked like you’re about to cry hyung.” And just like this, Felix bursts into tears, Jeongin’s comforting warmth and soft voice being too much for him. And the younger boy continues to hold him close, stroking his hair softly. Jeongin has always been the youngest out of their group but weirdly one of the most mature guys at the same time. He has always known how to react when one of the others are crying, unlike some of the other members who’d just try to tell a joke to cheer them up. Jeongin has always been the one the most comforting for all of them, for Felix especially.

And just like always this is the case now as well, he’s just reacting correctly. He’s shielding him from the glares of the rest, he’s comforting him with his warmth and just lets him cry it all out. As the Australian boy finally calms down, the mood has totally shifted between the friends. It isn’t a hard, uncomfortable silence anymore, it’s more like an unsure, overwhelming type of silence. It’s better.

“Shall we talk about it?” Chan has found his soft, warm voice again in which he always talks when one of the members has a problem, the voice he uses to comfort, the voice the feels like a warm vanilla cake next to a hot chocolate. The voice like a hot fire flickering in the fireplace when the storm rages outside or snowflakes fall down. Felix’ favorite voice.

He nods timidly, his head still buried in the younger boy’s chest. As the older sees the nod, he’s quick to decide that the kitchen is beyond too uncomfortable for this type of talk, therefore they all move to the living room, sitting down on the comfortable couches.

Felix still refuses to let go of the maknae, therefore he finds himself seated on the younger singer’s lap, cuddling himself into the broad of his stature. The other friends arrange themselves around them like planets around the sun – Felix, after all, is their sunshine, their sun.

“Let’s address the elephant in the room without further talking, shall we?” As always, the oldest is the one to start the conversation, it not being any of a surprise to any of them as he once again is the one to lead them through it. It can be tiring, mostly for him, but for the sake of his members, his friends, his family, his platonic soulmates, he’s more than willing to do just that. He knows that his boys, just as himself, want to get this over as quickly as possible, they want to be back to the way everything were before their found made everything awkward as soon as possible. He’s not someone to waste their rare free quality time with unnecessary fighting that could be resolved within minutes. Hyunjin raises his hand, being the person who has witnessed the whole situation. Chan nods at him, signaling he can go on and tell about the situation, maybe ask a thing or two.

“Okay, so,,, uhm Lixie, I walked into your room because I wanted to get you to eat but you watched this movie and uh,,, I didn’t want to disturb you but there was this coloring book I saw and uhm,,, yeah never mind.” Everyone seems quite a bit uncomfortable until Seungmin makes a disbelieving sound.  
“This is what the whole fuss is about? A coloring book?” A bit disturbed, Hyunjin nods and the younger snorts slightly. “You are aware that color in books are recommended as a stress reliever for all ages, right?” Upon hearing this, Felix sighs in relief, delighted by the way he could easily hide his little space like this.

Why didn’t he think of this sooner? He has read it quite a few times that color in books are supposed to calm the psyche and help to feel a lot less stressed as well, after all. Hyunjin laughs uncomfortably, scratching his neck.

“I’m sorry, Lixie.” He just nods a bit, cuddling himself further into Jeongin who just smiles and ruffles his hair softly. This warmth and comfort is making him waver towards his little space more and more, more and more he has to fight the urge to suck his thumb, or, more embarrassingly, of one of friends.

“Shall we go to sleep then?” Jisung asks, who’s been suspiciously quiet during this whole talk, his gaze lingering on Felix with concern. The other friends just nod in agreeing, it’s late after all and they have a quite early practice tomorrow. Finally being in this bed, tucked under the blanket by his Chanie hyung who profusely apologized for the encounter and promised that it’s only been because they are worried. A small smile steals itself in his face when he recalls this memory, his brain going fuzzy just thinking about it.

A few hours later, he’s shaken awake by a nightmare about his members, his friends and his little space. They have found out while walking into him, they have misunderstood the whole situation and a big fight has happened. He’s woken up during one of the older friends yelling at him and now is determined to tell the guys himself, to not let them find out by themselves. An idea needs to be found.

_Dear hyungs, dear Seungminnie and Jeonginnie._  
_Today, we nearly fought about something that happened with me and I do not want this to repeat itself._  
_Therefore I am writing this letter to you to clear out any misunderstandings, to help you understand. Because Hyunjin hyung was right, I am not normal, something is wrong with me and it concerns the movie and the coloring book. Thank you Minnie for telling him off and I am deeply sorry to inform you that he’s been right._  
_Please read this letter till the end carefully and not let yourself get distracted by things that might occur weird to you. That being said, I hope you can accept me._  
_It is a thing called little space or age regression. It is something that helps people to relieve their stress or to relive their childhood when it’s been bad. It also helps coping with traumatic events – for some people. I mainly use it as stress reliever._  
_Now you might wonder what I am even talking about. Little space is a kind of mindset the little can be in. When I am in little space I feel like a young child, not an adult of 20 years. Now I know this might sound kind of weird and I do not expect you to understand it just like this._  
_Little space in no way is a danger for you or for me, so do not worry. You don’t even have to embrace it as a part of your life, I just really needed to tell you that in order to finally stop regressing in fear of being caught every time, I hope you can understand that._  
_If you’d be interested, I can send you some info material that most likely is able to explain it better than I can because despite of being a regressor I find myself having a hard time explaining it._  
_If you want to do some research on your own, however, I advise you to strongly differentiate between age regression, which is purely innocent and in no way sexual and age play in which it is used as a kink and highly sexual._  
_Sincerely_  
_Felix, your sunshine_

After having finished his letter, he smiles softly to himself, having finally let out his secret. It is only a matter of time now till one of the other members finds his letter and he finally doesn’t have to hide anymore. That is if the optimal scenario occurs. He doesn’t even want to allow himself to dream further, of a world in which they agree to look after little him.  
No, truly, a world in which they accept him and never bring it up again would be more than enough for him.

He slips under his blanket once again, cuddling himself onto his plushie he called cupcake after the little head that’s resembling a cupcake topping. Finally being comfortable with having his secret written of his chest he drifts into a comfortable sleep, finally not being shaken awake every few seconds anymore.

He’s shaken awake tho by the soft feeling of a large hand caressing his head, one of his favorite ways with being awoken. As usual it is Chan’s comforting hand that makes him leave dreamland and be embraced by the actual world once again.

“Good morning sunshine. Minho made cacao for breakfast.” The older smiles softly, knowing of the sweet tooth of his friend and his endless love for anything including chocolate. Felix simply nods, cuddling himself into his comfortable sheets once again. “Ah ah, someone’s gotta get up.” The older says softly, not even trying to hide the fondness he feels towards the younger boy in his voice. He knows there is no chance of this being of success.

“Coming,,,” Felix mumbles softly, although both him and the older are aware that he won’t get up unless someone makes him.

Contrary to the soft and loving oldest, Minho doesn’t bother waiting and just picks Felix up like a little child, placing him on his assigned place at the table. None of them remember when this became routine on their days off, it just somehow has. The second oldest would pick up all the over sleepers – Minho were to decide when overslept is – after Chan would wake them, the older always being awake due to not even having fallen asleep yet.

Finally everything is back to normal. He has noticed that the letter’s been missing, therefore they have definitely found it. The question now is simply did they read it? Or did they not? Do they simply not care, do they not understand? Or would they treat him with this normality if they couldn’t accept him?

Felix is quick to notice that he is the last of the members, the other guys are hovering over something placed in the middle of the table. Could it be,,, the letter? No, he decides, this is impossible, Seungmin’s smiling face and Hyunjin’s almost guilty one don’t fit this option, nor do Jeongin’s undeniable happy face or Changbin’s proud expression, Jisung stretching his arms towards him,,, anything doesn’t match. It cannot be true, impossible.

“What are you guys doing over there?” He asks as he cannot think of anything logical. “Someone wrote us a very lovely letter” his twin answers in his usual cryptic tone, not being of any help.  
Who could it be, though? Maybe one of their parents? Although they most likely would not be read out lout for anyone.  
Or fan letters? No, they are online most of the time and not a singular letter.

Due to a lack of a better response he just nods, pretending to understand when in reality, he doesn’t. Not a single thing makes sense to him.

“Don’t listen to him hyung” Seungmin, the angel, says, helping him out, “although he is not wrong, we received a letter. Thank you by the way.” If a face can go blank, Felix now certainly does.  
Thank,,, him? So,,, the letter is,,, by any chance,,, his?! “M,,, me? So you did,,,” “Yeah we found the letter.”

A very awkward silence occurs, no one knowing what to say. None of them wanting to say anything wrong such as hurting, offending or misplaced comments.

Only Chan is able to break it when he puts the food on the table and tells his non-biological brothers to dig in. He whispers into the younger Aussie’s ear when he walks past him, securing him a bit. _“Don’t worry, we are fine with it, with you. We just gotta talk about it properly later on._ ” the blond boy nods grateful, it is already more than he would have expected.

The rest of the meal passes in silence, no one daring to talk. Luckily, this silence is far less awkward than it’s been before the food came into the sight of the eight of them. The shared meals have always been important for all of them, important conversations would happen before, in between or after a meal, stories be shared.

Due to the breakfast and dinner often being the only times the eight of them are actually together and not either practicing or performing, it has become a treasured time for all of them quite quickly. After finally all of them are finished, the time feeling like chewing gum, being stretched as long as possible in order to avoid the conversation that would undeniably happen now, they find themselves once again in the living room.

Once again they sit on the comfortable couches, once again Felix finds himself into Jeongin’s arms, cuddling himself onto the younger, surrounded by the people he holds dear. It never fails to fascinate Felix how his best friends can be the biggest goofballs usually but in situations like those they sit still and are rather serious.

“Lemme summarize” Minho as the second oldest and unofficial mom of the group starts “we all read the letter, right? We think we understand the content, not too difficult to be frank. So the only question open is what means this for us, how do we deal with this and most importantly, what does this mean for you, Lixie.”

The others nod as to support said statement. Shyly Felix looks out of the youngest arms, nodding slightly. “I can try to explain if you want me to,,,” they all nod in agreeing, wanting to understand their fellow member and friend, their brother better. “but you have to promise to not speak until I am done.” Felix knows that if they start to interrupt him he won’t be able to get it all out, to speak for himself, too shy to even look up just now. As multiple promises sound, he starts.

“Well,,, first of all it doesn’t have to do anything with you or be any of your concern. You don’t have to deal with it, I am fine by my own.” Multiple disagreeing sounds occur until they remember what they promised and shush each other discreetly. “But if you want to,,, any again, you do not have to, it would simply mean that once in a while,,, I start to act all childlike.” He runs over the words, barely understandable.  
It is not easy for him to talk about it or explain it like it is. At one hand because it lacks him words and needed descriptions but as well as this it is simply incredible awkward for him, hard to even speak about it. Multiple people on the web or in private conversations told him how disgusting it is, how he should act his age, how it is pedophilia,,, he’s heard it all.

Although Chan said they’d support him and understand it, he can never be sure how they understood it, how their conception of it is. Will their opinion change when hearing more about it? Will they pretend to be fine with it but secretly disgusted with him anytime he regresses?

Jeongin petting his leg softly makes him space back in, makes him leave the dark world that are his negative thoughts. “As I was saying,,, it’s not exactly acting childlike,,, more like feeling like a kid? Does this make sense? Like I enjoy things the kids would, behave like one,,, you get me?” Collective nodding is the answer, making him continue.

“What this for me means? Well basically, as I already explained in the letter it is kind of a coping mechanism for stress? Or I just do it for fun, when I feel like it.” He smiles softly on the ground, his head still kept low and his eyes lingering on the ground. “For you guys,,, I don’t really know either. That’s up to you,,, you can just y’know leave me alone for the time being? Or you could,,, if you want and only then and you never have to and” he keeps on rambling, only to be interrupted by a finger on his chin lifting it up and kind, warm eyes on him. “you could play with me.” He says in a tiny voice, feeling unfair to even offer the idea of them taking care of little him.

“Like with a kid, right?” Jisung asks, remembering the one time they had to play with kids for an interview. The slightly younger simply nods, not finding it in his power anymore to talk.

“Sounds like fun to me.” Felix looks at him, stunned. Never even once, not even in his dreams he would have considered a reaction like this. “You,,, you think so?” He nods and the others seem like they at least do not disagree with this statement at all.

“So uhm,,,” Hyunjin starts, scratching his neck, “yesterday,,, you were little right? Do you call it like this?” Felix chuckles softly at the awkwardness of his friend, finally relaxing. “Yeah, to both.” “Which movie did you watch? You seemed very happy.” A short pause occurs, a faint blush creeping itself on his freckled cheeks. “The smurfs,,, the first movie. I like it,,, a lot.”

“Wait,,, there’s a second part, right?” Changbin asks carefully, still unsure how to propose the idea but Felix simply nods. “Did you watch this yesterday as well?” “No, didn’t have the time hyung”

Seungmin, understanding what the older rapper means asks sheepishly “Should we watch the second one then, now? Together?” Felix’ eyes wide in shook, not having expected this out coming. But then yet again seemingly nothing goes like he had expected it. “You know, as a kind of practice?”

And now it’s the eight of them watching the second movie of the smurfs all together, watch how the smurfberries bring them to the humans, all together. Watch how the silly grandpa Victor tries to help them bringing Smurfette back, all together. They watch how she becomes friends with her siblings, all together. They watch how they win over Gargamel, all together. They watch the whole movie, all together. All eight of them. And as the ending credits roll over the screen and he finds himself being cuddled by his friends, he realizes that this

this is his _happy song_.


End file.
